brenda.brainwhisper@gmail.com
Brenda McCreight PH.D.
behavioural challenges/mood disorders/adoption
Brenda’s core belief about managing disrupted and deregulated behaviors
is “Change the emotional state and the behaviors will follow ”.
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Dear Teacher, By Brenda McCreight, Ph.D
The following may be useful for parents who are dealing with the way a teacher or counselor is responding to the particular challenges in your adoptive family. Please feel free to download this and give it to the teacher or counselor.
Dear teacher and school counselor,
As you know, we are an adoptive family. Our child joined us after going through many negative life experiences. As a result, our child has some different challenges than other children you have taught, and we have to use some different parenting techniques than you may be used to. For example, you may find that we are less flexible than you think is reasonable about boundaries when we do not let our child share food or toys or clothes at school the way the other kids do. This is because our child has never really owned anything of her/his own and so doesn’t yet understand that we will provide everything that is needed (and more) and so is still giving things away and taking things that s/he shouldn’t. On the other hand, you may find that we are more lenient than you think we should be. For example, we don’t get upset when our child steals. That is because we know that it will take time for our child to learn some of the basic rules of society that other children his/her age take for granted. You may also find that our child turns to you for comfort and tells you about the many problems s/he is experiencing at home. I am glad you feel that you can offer emotional support to our child, but please remember, our child has not yet learned that parents can provide care and nurturing and it is important that you do not try to take our place. As well, s/he may be telling you things that are not true, or exaggerating situations and events. This is because s/he is used to saying things to get attention and s/he has not yet learned that what s/he says will have an impact on our family. We are working on these, and many other issues with the help of competent professionals. If you feel our child’s health or safety is in danger from us, then you must call the authorities. However, if you are concerned that our child is unhappy, or that we are too strict, or that we do not understand our child, please call us directly and we will help you to understand our reasons for parenting the way we do.
You many find that some of the following are useful resources for understanding our child. Thank you for caring.
For further information, contact your Brenda McCreight Ph.D., 250-716-9101.