Worry, worry, worry…and a prideful fall…
My mom always said that she had a mental worry bucket, and if she had a problem she would worry about it till the bucket was full and then move on. I’ve used that very successfully in my own life and it’s helped me to let go or move on when necessary. However, with adult kids who have fasd, add, ocd, and all that stuff, it just doesn’t end – sometimes it seems that everyday brings a new worry. I get so many emails and calls from exhausted parents who say “If we can just make it till he’s 19, we’ll be off the hook and we’ll be okay”. Well folks, no you won’t.
Unfortunately, fasd, add, etc don’t magically disappear at the age of majority – they just bring in more complications such as a) how do you get a job with limited education and fewer skills? b) how do you keep an apartment when you can’t learn to budget or when you can’t say “no” to the crowd who show up to party every night? c) how do you pick a decent, safe partner when your self esteem is lower than low? I could go on, but I won’t.
Today’s worry is still about #7 whose health problems are getting scarier by the day. How did it get to the point where I’m hoping its *only* anorexia and pot addiction? And, then there’s my having to choke on the info that my sweet #5, who has managed to get herself on welfare, is now taking #7 to social services so he can get welfare too since he has lost his job due to his health. They seem to have decided that welfare is great – solves all those nasty problems of having to look for work. Actually, I guess I’m okay with #7 getting welfare at the moment because he really is too sick to work – however, I had planned to pay his rent and food till he either gets better or we have a plan to deal with whatever is wrong with him. I never, ever, thought one of my children would be on welfare – my goodness, I guess these two didn’t get as many of my values as I’d thought. Clearly, they think that welfare is a better alternative than me. True, I wouldn’t pay rent for #5 because although she is a sweetheart and someone I am, in most areas of her life, very proud of, the fact is she is able to work but as far as I know, other than working for me on my property she isn’t looking for a job. I don’t understand that. I don’t understand why she’s convinced #7 he should take welfare instead of momfare. Just another of those things for me to ponder.
Well, always another notch I can be taken down, another worry I can put into my bucket…and another day to get on with.
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I suppose they think they are “independent” this way????
I’m sorry for the blow. If nothing else our kids keep us humble.