Tightrope walking…
So here I am, trying to balance on the emotional tightrope that is part and parcel of being the parent of a young adult with mental health issues. If you recall, #7 was in his own apartment (asked to leave our home due to chronic pot smoking in his bedroom and walking around like stoned zombie the rest of the time) and working full time at a job he liked. But, a combo of anorexia and pot smoking left him unhealthy enough to complete a full shift so he’s unemployed and wanting to come camping with us instead of looking for a job. He has only a few days left to earn enough to pay his rent next month but #5 found him a job that would earn the $, he just won’t do it. Instead, he keeps calling us and asking to come camping. He says he’s having “emotional problems” and needs a rest.
Well, there is nothing restful about being with the family. And, I know he’s having emotional problems – he’s lonely, he can’t make friends, he’s stoned all the time, he has an eating disorder and depression. I want to help him, I’m so afraid he’ll kill himself. Yet, there is the problem of enabling, and there is the problem of smoking dope in *my area*. I have, like the rest of you, let go of so many of my values and beliefs and rules, I have almost none left – but getting drunk or stoned in my house (or campsite) is one I won’t let go of. Hanging out with the rest of us when you are so impaired you can’t put a sentence together is another thing I won’t tolerate – and, there is also the problem that he’s crabby and irritable and someone is likely to get hurt if he’s around us for more than a few hours and it certainly won’t do him any good to end up in jail for assault.
We have held the line and told him he has to work at the job that his sister found for him, or be actively looking for another, and, he has to contact mental health for his eating disorder and depression….those are our conditions for getting any help from us. Are we doing the right thing? I don’t know. I love him – I always have – my impulse is to bring him home and make him better…but I can’t – life just doesn’t work that way.
So, I walk around with worry hanging onto my soul every minute of every day. Just like all the years we were actively raising him. I’m very good at this tightrope.
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sending good thoughts your way for peace as you deal with such a hard situation.