Comments for The Adoption Counselor http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog Dr. Brenda McCreight, RSW, RCC Sat, 04 Sep 2010 14:52:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Comment on Alive again… by Mary Themom http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/alive-again/comment-page-1/#comment-4001 Mary Themom Sat, 04 Sep 2010 14:52:12 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=381#comment-4001 You are most definitely not alone! Not only are my kids not allowed to watch it on TV, it is most definitely not going on in my house, nor am I allowing them to go to the house of others who don't feel the exact same way. Marythemom Mom to Ponito (11), Bob(14), Kitty(15) and Bear(17) I'm too young to be a Grandma! You are most definitely not alone! Not only are my kids not allowed to watch it on TV, it is most definitely not going on in my house, nor am I allowing them to go to the house of others who don’t feel the exact same way.

Marythemom
Mom to Ponito (11), Bob(14), Kitty(15) and Bear(17)
I’m too young to be a Grandma!

]]> Comment on No end in sight… by KM http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/no-end-in-sight/comment-page-1/#comment-3947 KM Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:29:01 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=372#comment-3947 You may want to check out the Vocational Transitional Program at Fairview College in Alberta. The program is all about helping to prepare young adults with special needs (including FASD) for independent living. Focus is on lifeskills and job training. Funding support is available. The numbers are limited and they will only take a student that wants to be there and is willing to commit. Not sure how old they will go up to but one student this year is 24. You may want to check out the Vocational Transitional Program at Fairview College in Alberta. The program is all about helping to prepare young adults with special needs (including FASD) for independent living. Focus is on lifeskills and job training. Funding support is available. The numbers are limited and they will only take a student that wants to be there and is willing to commit. Not sure how old they will go up to but one student this year is 24.

]]> Comment on No end in sight… by Lisa http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/no-end-in-sight/comment-page-1/#comment-3933 Lisa Tue, 31 Aug 2010 03:25:33 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=372#comment-3933 Augh - I knew it wouldn't end at 18, but when you have kids who are absolutely determined to live their own lives at 18, yet have no clue how to do that safely - then what? As I mentioned before, I have two (now 16 1/2 and 17 1/2) who tell us every chance they can that they are gone at 18 - well, to where then? No money, no job, no common sense, no "friends" to speak of, unless you count the people who say hi to them now and then (they know their first names, they think, and they know where they get off the bus...). Yet, they have all the answers. I know this is not going to be fun.... I have a 23 yo daughter still at home, working a full time job and a occasional job, going to college full time, etc. She lived on her own for a year and had one crisis after another. She learned that life is a little harder than she expected, but she's our own bio daughter who is neurotypical and has been nurtured and adored since birth. If she has a hard time, I cannot even fathom what my two renegades will be doing in a year from now. Any help I try to give them now is either taken for granted or rejected. I do not look forward to this. I have little kids at home who are just sick and stressed by these two as it is, I don't want to give anymore and yet I know I probably will. I have just always wanted so much more for them than they're willing to work for... Augh – I knew it wouldn’t end at 18, but when you have kids who are absolutely determined to live their own lives at 18, yet have no clue how to do that safely – then what? As I mentioned before, I have two (now 16 1/2 and 17 1/2) who tell us every chance they can that they are gone at 18 – well, to where then? No money, no job, no common sense, no “friends” to speak of, unless you count the people who say hi to them now and then (they know their first names, they think, and they know where they get off the bus…). Yet, they have all the answers. I know this is not going to be fun…. I have a 23 yo daughter still at home, working a full time job and a occasional job, going to college full time, etc. She lived on her own for a year and had one crisis after another. She learned that life is a little harder than she expected, but she’s our own bio daughter who is neurotypical and has been nurtured and adored since birth. If she has a hard time, I cannot even fathom what my two renegades will be doing in a year from now. Any help I try to give them now is either taken for granted or rejected. I do not look forward to this. I have little kids at home who are just sick and stressed by these two as it is, I don’t want to give anymore and yet I know I probably will. I have just always wanted so much more for them than they’re willing to work for…

]]> Comment on No end in sight… by Claudia http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/no-end-in-sight/comment-page-1/#comment-3927 Claudia Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:37:23 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=372#comment-3927 My husband and I have been discussing this at length this weekend. It's hard for me to see that the younger kids are having to deal with the behavior of the "adult" kids as well as to experience our stress over it. And we have no end in sight either. Sigh. My husband and I have been discussing this at length this weekend. It’s hard for me to see that the younger kids are having to deal with the behavior of the “adult” kids as well as to experience our stress over it. And we have no end in sight either.

Sigh.

]]> Comment on Born that way… by Lisa http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/born-that-way/comment-page-1/#comment-3913 Lisa Sun, 29 Aug 2010 21:38:02 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=366#comment-3913 I watched this too. I thought it was by the same people who make 20/20 or Primetime Live or something. I thought it was very interesting how they talked to the serial killer who described his crimes and was so blunt with the interviewer about his lack of remorse/conscience. When he said that he thought about the girl he'd thought he'd left for dead (but who survived and identified him) every day, I got the impression that she was the loose end he was kicking himself for, not that he was sorry he'd tried to kill her - it was creepy. It's an interesting concept - being born to kill - but if we see this and know that it's possible, where do we go from there. Obviously the researcher has turned out okay, in spite of his dark side, so the answer wouldn't be to lock up everyone with brain scans like his "just in case". I ask myself what the answers could/should be every day with my FASD kids. I have been trying to give them real world consequences all their lives because the real world will not let them get away with stealing, lying and outright oppositional defiance of it's rules. it has done no good so far. My 16 1/2 yo just refuses to do anything to help the family in any way. He tantrums and cries like a 2 yo every time we expect anything from him. It's exhausting and I don't anticipate any breakthroughs in the next 1 1/2 yrs before he turns 18 and leaves (and he's assured us that he IS leaving, even if it means being homeless). I know after 18 I won't be legally responsible, but he does not learn from experience at all and he will end up hurt or in jail - what's the answer?? It makes my brain hurt to keep contemplating it. I watched this too. I thought it was by the same people who make 20/20 or Primetime Live or something. I thought it was very interesting how they talked to the serial killer who described his crimes and was so blunt with the interviewer about his lack of remorse/conscience. When he said that he thought about the girl he’d thought he’d left for dead (but who survived and identified him) every day, I got the impression that she was the loose end he was kicking himself for, not that he was sorry he’d tried to kill her – it was creepy. It’s an interesting concept – being born to kill – but if we see this and know that it’s possible, where do we go from there. Obviously the researcher has turned out okay, in spite of his dark side, so the answer wouldn’t be to lock up everyone with brain scans like his “just in case”.

I ask myself what the answers could/should be every day with my FASD kids. I have been trying to give them real world consequences all their lives because the real world will not let them get away with stealing, lying and outright oppositional defiance of it’s rules. it has done no good so far. My 16 1/2 yo just refuses to do anything to help the family in any way. He tantrums and cries like a 2 yo every time we expect anything from him. It’s exhausting and I don’t anticipate any breakthroughs in the next 1 1/2 yrs before he turns 18 and leaves (and he’s assured us that he IS leaving, even if it means being homeless). I know after 18 I won’t be legally responsible, but he does not learn from experience at all and he will end up hurt or in jail – what’s the answer?? It makes my brain hurt to keep contemplating it.

]]> Comment on Tightrope walking… by Kelly Davio http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/tightrope-walking/comment-page-1/#comment-3844 Kelly Davio Thu, 26 Aug 2010 02:20:12 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=356#comment-3844 sending good thoughts your way for peace as you deal with such a hard situation. sending good thoughts your way for peace as you deal with such a hard situation.

]]> Comment on Some relief… by Scraps http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/some-relief/comment-page-1/#comment-3757 Scraps Sat, 21 Aug 2010 13:40:58 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=350#comment-3757 Thinking of you, and thinking how wonderful camping is, for the early bonding time. Boring is good. She has enough inner turmoil to keep her busy. The more boring life surrounding her, the better. And you will have plenty of time to just hang out and talk with her. Good news that #7 isn't seriously ill...physically anyhow. So discouraging when it falls into their hands, and they refuse to take help. Living that reality here, and it wears one down. Thinking of you, and thinking how wonderful camping is, for the early bonding time. Boring is good. She has enough inner turmoil to keep her busy. The more boring life surrounding her, the better. And you will have plenty of time to just hang out and talk with her. Good news that #7 isn’t seriously ill…physically anyhow. So discouraging when it falls into their hands, and they refuse to take help. Living that reality here, and it wears one down.

]]> Comment on Some relief… by Ellen http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/some-relief/comment-page-1/#comment-3748 Ellen Sat, 21 Aug 2010 01:25:54 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=350#comment-3748 AWESOME Brenda!!!! Congratulations!!!! Perhaps, being in the camping mode and having the littles to play with might be just the thing that all of you need to get off to a great start. Some things that come to my mind: emotional ages, territory issues, escaping into video games, distancing/avoiding that is easier to do at home... Have Fun!!! AWESOME Brenda!!!! Congratulations!!!! Perhaps, being in the camping mode and having the littles to play with might be just the thing that all of you need to get off to a great start. Some things that come to my mind: emotional ages, territory issues, escaping into video games, distancing/avoiding that is easier to do at home… Have Fun!!!

]]> Comment on Skanky clothes and skanky morals… by T http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/skanky-clothes-and-skanky-morals/comment-page-1/#comment-3678 T Wed, 18 Aug 2010 14:52:34 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=333#comment-3678 I know I'm late coming to the table, but everything you said here resonates loud and clear with me. My 17 (soon to be 18) year old reminds me everyday that she's only 4 months from being 18 and she'll do what she wants when she turns 18 even when we say "not as long as you live under this roof" to which she just says she'll leave. Heck, she's doing what she wants now. We found out recently (without her knowledge) she's inviting guys to her work place on her lunch hour for sex. Guys she just met. She's sexting too. We tried to minimize the severity by making her get a phone without a camera, but where there's a will there's a way with her. She wasn't supposed to have a phone at all but got a boy in her school to pay for one for her for several months and hid it from us quite well. Who knows what she did to get him to do that for her. We knew we were not going to be able to be with her all the time and we knew her penchant for this type of stuff and we do our best to discourage her and let her know how we feel. We knew that would go over like a lead balloon with her and she would do what she wanted so we put her on the depo shot so we don't have grandchildren we're not ready for. She's been in individual and group therapy for 2+ years (a year of that in RTF) and the only thing I see that's really improved is she is no longer cutting. I keep praying and I keep trying though. Maybe someday she'll see the light. I know I’m late coming to the table, but everything you said here resonates loud and clear with me. My 17 (soon to be 18) year old reminds me everyday that she’s only 4 months from being 18 and she’ll do what she wants when she turns 18 even when we say “not as long as you live under this roof” to which she just says she’ll leave. Heck, she’s doing what she wants now. We found out recently (without her knowledge) she’s inviting guys to her work place on her lunch hour for sex. Guys she just met. She’s sexting too. We tried to minimize the severity by making her get a phone without a camera, but where there’s a will there’s a way with her. She wasn’t supposed to have a phone at all but got a boy in her school to pay for one for her for several months and hid it from us quite well. Who knows what she did to get him to do that for her.

We knew we were not going to be able to be with her all the time and we knew her penchant for this type of stuff and we do our best to discourage her and let her know how we feel. We knew that would go over like a lead balloon with her and she would do what she wanted so we put her on the depo shot so we don’t have grandchildren we’re not ready for. She’s been in individual and group therapy for 2+ years (a year of that in RTF) and the only thing I see that’s really improved is she is no longer cutting. I keep praying and I keep trying though. Maybe someday she’ll see the light.

]]> Comment on Worry, worry, worry…and a prideful fall… by lindy http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/worry-worry-worry-and-a-prideful-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-3658 lindy Tue, 17 Aug 2010 23:20:28 +0000 http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com/Blog/?p=344#comment-3658 I suppose they think they are "independent" this way???? I'm sorry for the blow. If nothing else our kids keep us humble. I suppose they think they are “independent” this way????
I’m sorry for the blow. If nothing else our kids keep us humble.

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